Holy Week

Easter is upon us - Spring is in the air.... The weeds are growing in the grass, and the wind won't stop blowing, lol.. yup, it must be almost April! I love Holy Week. It is an amazing time to reflect upon the greatest gift we've ever received - the death of our Christ upon the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. This year we'll be doing the music for the masses on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I'm excited about that! It'll be another way for us to get involved in the church and give back.

The other reason I am excited about the week/weekend is that I should ovulate soon! Hopefully Friday or sometime right after that. Friday would be for a normal 28 day cycle, and well, we all know I'm no where near normal... so we'll see. I am taking my temperature but not doing the opk tests. First off I ran out of them and did not order more, and secondly I don't think they worked very well anyway. I never got a positive test when I was taking them before. I don't know if that was because I didn't take them at the right time, or what... but either way I'm not doing them this month. We've been super relaxed - I promise - and are just praying that our time comes soon!

If we were to get pregnant our new due date would be Christmas Eve... ha! What a nice Christmas present that would be! Although I never wanted a Christmas baby, I will take a baby ANY time that God would like to give me one!

It's amazing how your mindset changes when you're trying to have a baby and it's not working (yet). I used to think, ok, I don't want to have a baby during the busy season because then I'd be missing work during a crucial time. Then I thought, ok, I don't want to be super pregnant during the hot summer or the freezing winter. Now, I just don't care! I honestly am just ready!!

Other than the usual baby makin' news, we're just enjoying each others company. We love spending time alone together, it is truly amazing. The other night we laid in bed and talked for a good hour before going to sleep. It was so nice. We did spend about fifteen of those minutes talking about babies, hehe..

Let's hope for an Easter miracle!!

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."" - John 11: 25-26

Relax

My friend has on their facebook account an application that is entitled "On this day God wants you to know...". Everyday it posts a random word of advice that is usually very applicable to anyone's life. Today's spoke to me in great strides:

"On this day God wants you to know ... that if you relax, it comes. Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, God shows you the way."

I have a funny feeling that God is trying to tell me something. Something that I should have listened to a LONG time ago!

Anyway, in other news, this weekend we went to San Antonio to see my Aunt who was visiting from New York, and so that I could attend Cristina's baby shower! It was such a great weekend! It was awesome to see Aunt Dawn, even if for only a short while, and the shower was a lot of fun! Cristina's family is so sweet and it was good to see all of them again! Liliana sure is going to have a lot of things to wear, play with, etc when she makes her entrance in this world (no sooner than after graduation of course! lol). Evan was very sweet and told me that they'd be at my shower soon enough. It's great to know that I have such amazing friends in this world who are there to support us! It's so hard to not be able to talk to people about all of this, but I am so grateful for those people that we have been able to tell! My mom still stands by the fact that it will happen when we finally just don't care anymore, and well, relax!

Last thing, Dixie had her puppies! There is one that is a blonde with border collie markings that Darren and I are very interested in! I mean, who's seen a blonde border collie/lab?! All 5 of the puppies are adorable, and I'm sure we'll pick one! So, maybe our next step in parenthood will be a dog, but we're ok with that right now! See the progress?! Man, I impress myself. lol.. jk jk. I still have a long way to go. I have a lot of prayer to do!

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 4:6-7

Moving On

Guess who decided to show up this morning, on exactly day 28? Yup, you guessed it - mother nature. Yuck. So, now we know that round 7 was a failure. This is the 8th month of trying for us, and it is getting so hard to stay positive, keep faith, and look towards the future. I can't help but be consumed by internet browsing right now. How long does it take? Why so long for me? What do I need to be doing differently, if anything? Do I need to be worried yet? Why when we're doing everything they say to do - basically having sex every other day from the time I finish my period until now - do I still continue to not get pregnant? Why do my breasts start to hurt and continue to hurt if I'm not getting pregnant? Why have they not done this in the past?

Guess who needs a life adjustment, and needs to restore her faith? Yup, you guess it - me.

This is one of my favorite songs, and I'm going to have it on repeat today....

"I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth"

~Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns

"I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber; Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you The LORD is your shade at your right hand; The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; The LORD will watch over your coming and going Both now and forevermore."
~ Psalm 121

Prepared By God

It seems as if I have become a blog junkie. I now read blogs daily, and are even interested in a few blogs that are professionally done. By that I mean they basically make their living from blogging. Crazy world from 8 years ago when I first created a blog to journal my high school days. It's quite interesting, you should ask for the link sometime! ;-)

Anyway, after our negative test result this morning I couldn't help but feel slightly disheartened. I know that it was still technically early, and that it doesn't mean a whole hill of beans until I get my period, but still. Yet another negative, another reminder, another let down... Ok, Kristen, shut up and get over it! On to what I meant to be blogging about....

I read this on my friend's blog and couldn't help but feel like not only was it a wonderful reminder of God's presence in our life, but that it was a reminder to me to leave it to God. He has a plan for us all, and he will fill us in on his plan as it unfolds, and not a moment sooner! Here is their post. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

From Proverbs 31 Ministries:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

In 1988 I entered Southern Methodist University School of Law. I invested three years of my life studying day and night so I could make law review, graduate in the top of my class, and land a job with a large Dallas firm. It all happened just the way I planned … making law review, graduating in the top 10 percent, and landing that big downtown job. It was a good thing too because my husband and I went into debt for that education. But no worries. I got the high paying job I wanted.

I spent the next year applying all that I had learned, working day and night, researching and writing legal briefs. My long hours paid off as I began arguing cases before local, state, and eventually federal court judges. I even had the honor and privilege of writing a brief that went before the Supreme Court of the United States of America.

But in the end, I hated it.

After investing thousands of dollars in my education and thousands of hours researching, writing, and arguing, I hated it. At age 28, I remember saying, "Lord, why do You have me here? I find no joy in what I do. What is it You want me to do? And, Lord, what about all this debt?"

I had no idea the wonderful way in which God would answer those questions. Twenty years later, those research skills taught me the methods that I now use to study and break apart God's Word. Arguing before judges prepared me for the speaking and teaching He has called me to. The writing skills prepared me for writing a book that tells an amazing story of God's hope and healing in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Now in my 40s, I realize that God created me not to be a lawyer, but to be a Bible teacher. He has called me to break apart His Word and teach it. There were steps along the way that I do not understand. There is a debt we still need to repay. But God has been faithful.

Friend, if you have landed here today wondering what in the world God wants to do with your life, I want you to know one thing. Not a single thing in your life will be wasted. God will use your past and your present to prepare you for your future. He has a beautiful plan … a call on your life. He is waiting to reveal it to you.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as My prophet to the nation" (NLT).

Psalm 139:16 says, "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" (NLT).

Sweet friend, God brought you here today. He wants to remind you of a precious Truth. Hear it and never forget it...before time began, before God spoke the world into being...He had you in His heart. God chose you to be His child. God has a perfect plan for your life. No one else has your plan, your family, your gifts, your talents, your heart, your education, your past, and your present … NO ONE.

He chose you to use you to do great things for His Kingdom ... things that only you can do.

He is preparing you…even now.

But to be used by God, you must TRUST Him with your past; BELIEVE Him for your future; BELIEVE He has a plan for you; SURRENDER your life to His Plan, and BELIEVE He will equip you to do what He has called you to do.

"Luck Be A Baby Tonight"

I found this on a fertility website that I read. The only reason I really read the site was to get information on anything to increase your chances, non medically. It's an interesting website - and after I found this post they made, I realized I needed to get over myself. However, I will still say that I hope the luck is on our side - SOON - VERY SOON!

"Everyone knows some enviable couples who conceive the first month they try. But paying undue attention to the quick conceivers in your life can set up unrealistic expectations for you. Women who aren’t pregnant within the first few months, for instance, may be convinced they’re infertile when they’re not. The truth is that couples have approximately a 15 percent chance of conceiving each month they have unprotected intercourse—and it takes an average of 8 months for them to get pregnant."

Could they have hit the nail on the head any more?! I know I've heard that advice from my close friends, mom, Carylon, etc etc... but I'm finally starting to listen to it!

Oh, and by the way, we're early testing in the morning using our nifty 20mIu/ml "highly sensitive" tests that we got from our favorite website Baby Hopes. They send you a packet of "baby dust" with every order, and write on your invoice that they "hope you aren't a customer for very long". Granted if it comes back negative it won't tell us much, but it's worth a shot! They were very inexpensive, so we figured what the heck? I know it's not going with the "relax and leave it up to God" plan that we need/try to be on, but I can't help it! ;-) So, wish us luck, say a prayer, whatever you'd like!

"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." John 4:7

Books and More

Lately I have had the urge to baby shop. I'm crossing fingers, toes, eyes, whatever, that this means that I need to actually baby shop! Now, in the past I've wanted to look at things, but lately it's been a necessity almost. Cristina's blog entries about what her likes/dislikes for baby gear are sort of to blame for sparking interest... but seriously, I feel the need to look at baby stuff. This prompted an actual move of buying today. I purchased on amazon two of my FAVORITE books that I had when I was little. I didn't know until I texted my mom that my grandmother had actually purchased those books for me. It was all my mom could do to keep from crying, seeing me buy them for my future daughter (we can hope).

The Magic Locket - Complete with an actual locket. I still have this book, but of course have lost the locket. It was all I could do to find one with the locket. It said that the locket is tarnished, but I don't even care! I was just glad to find one with a locket!

The Good Luck Pony - also, had a charm necklace. I'm not sure if I still have this book or not, and the one that I purchased said that it was new, so it better have that necklace!

We should know by the end next week whether or not we were successful this go-around or not. My temperature has gone up since Saturday, and has stayed up, so we're really hoping that is when I ovulated. That's a lot better than last time! Who knows! It's in God's hands, but we're just reallllly hoping he remembers us down here! =D We're ready, God!!!!

"Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged."
1 Chronicles 22:13

It's about that time!

Woo hoo! We're finally to the ovulation time! Well, we'll see! No noticeable ovulation detected yet through testing/charting, but I am having symptoms again! Google is my new best friend, and I spend half of my day (it seems, not really or else I'd get fired) googling things about pregnancy, trying to conceive, etc etc... So, according to google, one sign of ovulation is tender breasts that begins around ovulation and continues until either you get a BFP, or, get your period. So, we shall see! Let the fun begin! =)

In other news, we're debating whether or not to get a dog/puppy right now! Darren really wants one, but I don't want to get one and have it take the back burner when the baby comes. So, we'll see what we come up with. My mom's dog is going to have half lab and half border collie puppies here in about 2 weeks, and they'll be weaned in 6. So, we could have a puppy at our house in 8 weeks. However, by that time I'd be 11 weeks pregnant, with only 29 weeks to go until we meet our little one! That just doesn't seem like enough time to me to train, etc.. but we'll see!

I had lots of fun getting in Emerson time last weekend and this weekend. He's such a doll. Lots of great practice!!! I wish we still lived right down the road from them!

Me and the cutie-pie!

Darren and Mr. Adorable

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Weekend and More

This weekend we went to Lubbock to help with the Tech Equestrian Team's western show, and to see Cristina & Evan, and Jenna, McLain and Emerson! We had a great weekend, and it was so good to see everyone. Emerson was glad to have his favorite babysitter back, especially since Momma Jenna had to work on a cake for Emerson's cousin's first birthday party. ;-) We got to visit Cristina & Evan's house and see Liliana's nursery in person! It looks great! The doggies are trying to get used to all of the baby stuff, and realize that it is not theirs. lol.. it was funny!

Unfortunately at the end of the weekend Darren picked up a stomach bug, and then gave me the same thing. Luckily it didn't hit me quite as hard as it did Darren. We spent all day yesterday in bed, sleeping, and trying to recover. Today we slept in, and made it to work around 1, but I had to leave a 4 because I still wasn't feeling well. I layed in bed, as I am now, and asked Darren to please bring me some toast (trying to eat again). He did, and so I told him "You know, this is what it is going to be like when I am pregnant, only probably worse." To which his response was, "It'll be so worth it." Awww.... I have the best husband EVER! He's amazing! Hopefully we'll both feel better tomorrow because it is his 26th Birthday tomorrow!

Only about a week and some days until we should be ovulating! YAY! Can't wait! =D We'll just practice until then, hehe...

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
--Genesis 2:24