Thursday, April 29, 2010

"Outing" Ourselves

We did it. We talked to Darren's parents about how we've been trying. Man, that was hard! We were both so nervous, and no time felt like the right time. I finally just kicked Darren until he finally said that we needed to talk to them about something. Finding the words was very hard! I stumbled for a good minute until I finally spit out that we had been trying to get pregnant... for nine months now. We told them that we basically just wanted them to know what was going on, and asked them to please pray for us. We explained how Carylon says we should not worry until it has been a year, and how it is has been hard to hear of everyone around us becoming pregnant. They really were great. It was so nice to finally be able to tell them. Darren's mom and I are close. We are great friends. It has been killing me that I have not been able to talk to her about these things, especially since others know and not her. It felt liberating, yet so freaking scary, to tell them finally! They talked to us about how we need to relax and let it happen - which everyone tells us that - and we agreed. They also told us that it would be ok, and that we shouldn't worry. It was nice to hear someone tells us that it will be ok. Those simple words left such a huge print on my heart. Andrea said she had figured that we had been trying, she just didn't know for how long. And, I felt bad that we were telling her that we're not pregnant instead of pregnant and she said not to worry about that.

So, all in all, it went really well, and we are so glad that we have some more people on our side, helping to pray for us! We will work on the relaxing and having fun, and will keep updating on our progress! ;-)

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him." ~Psalms 103:13

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What to say?

Interesting thing I found out while blog searching today - it's National Infertility Awareness Week. And this is the week I chose to tell my in-laws about our problems?! How freaky is that? I found some interesting blogs today where the writer tells about their infertility issues and how they deal with them. Some make me feel like a complete idiot for being upset that it's been 9 months of trying with no result. I mean, these women have experienced hell. Some have been trying for 5+ years, with countless miscarriages, etc etc. It's very sad. Then I think of others around me, like our friend/distant cousin Shelby who's been trying for over 2 years, and had one miscarriage. I can only hope and pray that our journey does not take us that far. My new blog that I like to read called this week her "coming out" week, haha, and I guess we will be doing just what she asks us to do on her post.

So, I'm going to use this time to brainstorm what I would like to tell my family tomorrow. How do you even begin? "Hey, guess what? We've been trying to have a baby and haven't been successful yet." ??? I mean, really?! I don't know what we should say. We're mostly just going to tell them that it has been difficult for us, and that we would like for them to pray for us. It's frustrating too because we're not even sure that there is a problem yet - we're just guessing that there is. And who knows, maybe I'll turn up pregnant after this month.... but something inside of me does not want to be positive anymore. I don't see how some women can take let down after let down. They are so strong, so inspiring. Some blogs have happy endings. Two that I read today had recent posts where the women were pregnant, and posted their sonogram pictures. That's awesome. One even said that she hoped it wouldn't make her other infertile readers leave after hearing of her news. How could you not be happy for someone who just found out they were pregnant after trying for a while? That's crazy!

Anyway.... Brian & Jessica should have found out by now whether they are having a boy or girl. They are having a party this weekend to let everyone know what it will be, and we're going to attend. It'll be hard, I'm sure, but we need to be there to support our family. In other news, my mom is hopefully going to have an interview with a vet clinic in San Antonio and I am super pumped. It would make life SO incredibly better if she was in Texas! Let's hope and pray they call her soon to set up a time!

PS... did you know that doctors consider you infertile after one year of trying with no success? Ouch.... =(

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."
~Psalm 33:22

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

God's Cake

My Aunt sent me this e-mail today and it was just what I needed to read as we embark on yet another month of trying. As soon as May comes around it will become 9 months of trying, which becomes a little scary. 9 months is just about the max average Carylon said, but we really don't need to start seeing a specialist or anything until it has been one year in August. Oye...

In other news, we are going to be talking about things with Darren's parents sometime this week. We want them to know what we've been going through, and just have some extra people praying for us. We know it will not be a fun conversation, and we really didn't want to have to tell them we were trying because now when we do get pregnant it won't be a huge surprise, but it's about time we talked to them about it... Wish us luck!

So, here it is - God's Cake:

Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'Why did God have to do this to me?' Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how
everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.'
'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers.
'Yuck' says her daughter.
'How about a couple raw eggs?' 'Gross, Mom!'
'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'
'Mom, those are all yucky!'

To which the mother replies: 'Yes , all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

...I hope your day is a "Piece of Cake!"

Monday, April 19, 2010

Better Place

This has definitely been one of the hardest days I've had to experience in a while. After checking on our family dog yesterday, I was sure he'd be ok until today when we could take him in to the vet. This morning he was in so much pain. He was out of it, and crying a lot. It broke my heart. We loaded him up and Andrea and I took him to Big Spring to the vet there. After waiting about 30 minutes to see the doctor because we were a walk-in, Dr. Burt examined him briefly and laid down the news.... He had tumors, one had ruptured, which were causing him to have trouble walking, and maggots had gotten in there. It would take a lot to clean him all up, and even then, because it was tumors it would cost a lot of money and it wouldn't even be giving him a clean bill of health. He was 14 years old, so the vet suggested we just put him down. I knew that was what was going to happen, but it seriously broke my heart when they told me. I had put that he was my dog when I filled out the paperwork, so I had to sign to authorize the euthanasia. Talk about the HARDEST thing to do EVER. I never ever ever ever ever want to have to do something like that again. Andrea and I cried, and pet him constantly while they administered the shot. I've never had to witness one of our animals pass away.... this killed me. I'm still sad and I miss him so much already. He was so awesome.... =(

We love you Deets, and we miss you so much! Please watch over us from Heaven!

"Everything that exists in heaven or earth shall find its perfection and fulfillment in Christ." ~Ephesians 1:10

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Horrible Few Days...

I'm tired of crying. Really now, it's getting old. There were some shiny points in between a bunch of yuck, and for that I am very thankful!

Our Thursday was great! We were anxious about taking a pregnancy test in the morning, and we were all packed and ready to head to Lubbock for Cristina & Evan's baby shower! Friday morning we woke up, and I took my test.... negative. Well, we didn't feel too horrible about it, but it still wasn't a great start to the day. After lunch we were able to sneak out of work early so that Carylon could remove Darren's (spelling phonetically here...) hemangeoma. Basically a wacked out blood vessel. Anyway... we get there and she cuts on him, lol, and afterward I asked her if I believed I ovulated on Tueday the 6th, when should I expect to get a positive pregnancy test? She said that it was pretty much 10 days minimum, and then kinda hard to tell by a home test. She suggested we run upstairs and do a blood test since my breasts had really been hurting. We left the office before we got the results, and she texted us about fifteen minutes later. My heart sank when I saw her message... "Sorry girl, it was negative. Hang in there!". Carylon is so sweet, and so nice to check for us.. but still, it was so hard to hear that news.

This means we will not have a baby in 2010. That killed me. Now it's been 8 1/2 months of trying with no results. We're almost to the point where we need to start worrying. Carylon said 9 months was long but not too horrible, and a year was definitely time to see someone. So, we're going to see if she can possibly help us by doing a fertility test or something. We believe we're doing everything right, and it's just so frustrating to not see any results yet.

It was so hard to gather myself up and drive to Lubbock, but the moment we got there I relaxed - THANK YOU CRISTINA & EVAN! We went to a great dinner with them, played with their dogs and some puppies at the puppy store in the mall, had delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies, and played fun board games! We all were beat from a not fun day for all of us.... bleh... so went to bed around midnight. The next morning we got up and had an amazing waffle breakfast, sat around talking, and then started getting ready for the shower. The baby shower was a lot of fun! Ashley did a great job of planning everything! Everyone had a good time! My diaper cake turned out pretty good I must say, and my burp cloths, although a little rough because I suck at sewing, were still pretty cute! Liliana can spit up in style! lol... We sadly had to leave after the shower to head back to Garden City for Ryan & Lauren's wedding shower! The 2 hr (we took a short cut and it paid off big time) drive allowed our minds to focus back on not being pregnant, which sucked... but once we got to the shower and saw all of our family and friends we relaxed again. It was fun trading college stories with the bunch!

Today was also a hard day. My phone died in the middle of the night so we did not get up in time to go to church. Then, Scotty called after lunch and told us that Deets, the family border collie, was not doing well, and needed to be put down. I freaked out. I love Deets like he has been MY dog for forever. I convinced them to let me take him to the vet tomorrow and let the vet tell us what is best. I believe he needs antibiotics and will get better, but I will accept it if the DVM tells me that he needs to be put down. I just couldn't accept putting him down without knowing that there was no way he would get better. That's just not right to not give him a chance. He is such a great dog and I love him so much. Hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow.... We can pray!

Anyway, I'm sorry for the sad post, but it has really just been rough. I'm pretty tired, emotionally and physically. My mom has been amazing and has helped me so much. Plus, I have THE BEST husband in the entire world.. seriously. He's my world!

I still pray constantly that God will let us know when it is time.... I just pray that nothing is wrong! =(

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." ~Psalm 9:9-10

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Nervous Nelly

This week we should hopefully find out whether this round was successful or not. I hate to say it but I can't help but feel nervous and scared. It's so frustrating! We were definitely relaxed and cool about things this month - well, as good as we could have been. I was nervous for a little bit when I thought Darren was going to be out of town when I was expecting to ovulate. But everything ended up ok, so no worries. I'm thinking I ovulated Tuesday or Wednesday, meaning by the end of the week we should know something... I guess. We'll see! We're excited for this weekend because we'll be going to Lubbock for Cristina & Evan's baby shower that I'm helping with! I have everything ready! =D Can't wait! It'll be good to see them and spend time with them! Liliana will be here before we know it, but no sooner than past graduation, lol.

Other than that it's been a busy past few weeks with work. Man! We call the time period of February through May our busy season, and it is definitely living up to its name! I've been fighting a cold since Friday, but I think I'm over it now, mostly! I felt a LOT better today than I have!

Hopefully my next post will be FULL of good news, instead of the usual bad news. Bleh.... PRAYING CONSTANTLY!!!

“Until now you have not asked
for anything in my name.
Ask and you will receive,
and your joy will be complete.”

~ John 16:24

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter and Prayer

I love the Easter Tridium of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and the Easter Vigil on Saturday. To me it is an amazing time to renew your spirit! We spent a good two hours at church Wednesday for choir practice, Thursday, Friday (2 1/2 hours) and Saturday. Whew! But it was amazing none the less. Lots of prayer! You know what all of that prayer was about.... well, I mean, I added some other stuff in there! One amazing thing was that I got to see Melissa, my maid of honor, and my sponsor when I entered the Catholic church, at mass on Saturday! It was so good to so her! She was with her baby Joan, who is so cute! She's so tiny and precious! She's Emersons age but probably weighs half of what he does, lol! We received a surprise from Jacque when she told us that Jenna & McLain are expecting again! Emerson will have a baby brother or sister in November! He'll be almost 18 months old, bless their hearts, lol. Although it was a little difficult to take that news right now, it was still awesome to hear. I had to have a little moment with Darren to reassure me that our time will come. Ahh... if only it would come soon!

Well, nothing else to report right now... my temperature still has not gone up and is under 97 or hovering right around.. so we're not past ovulation yet. No other signs yet either, so, we'll sit and wait! In the mean time we'll just have fun together! =)

"The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." " ~Matthew 28