Sunday, April 18, 2010

Horrible Few Days...

I'm tired of crying. Really now, it's getting old. There were some shiny points in between a bunch of yuck, and for that I am very thankful!

Our Thursday was great! We were anxious about taking a pregnancy test in the morning, and we were all packed and ready to head to Lubbock for Cristina & Evan's baby shower! Friday morning we woke up, and I took my test.... negative. Well, we didn't feel too horrible about it, but it still wasn't a great start to the day. After lunch we were able to sneak out of work early so that Carylon could remove Darren's (spelling phonetically here...) hemangeoma. Basically a wacked out blood vessel. Anyway... we get there and she cuts on him, lol, and afterward I asked her if I believed I ovulated on Tueday the 6th, when should I expect to get a positive pregnancy test? She said that it was pretty much 10 days minimum, and then kinda hard to tell by a home test. She suggested we run upstairs and do a blood test since my breasts had really been hurting. We left the office before we got the results, and she texted us about fifteen minutes later. My heart sank when I saw her message... "Sorry girl, it was negative. Hang in there!". Carylon is so sweet, and so nice to check for us.. but still, it was so hard to hear that news.

This means we will not have a baby in 2010. That killed me. Now it's been 8 1/2 months of trying with no results. We're almost to the point where we need to start worrying. Carylon said 9 months was long but not too horrible, and a year was definitely time to see someone. So, we're going to see if she can possibly help us by doing a fertility test or something. We believe we're doing everything right, and it's just so frustrating to not see any results yet.

It was so hard to gather myself up and drive to Lubbock, but the moment we got there I relaxed - THANK YOU CRISTINA & EVAN! We went to a great dinner with them, played with their dogs and some puppies at the puppy store in the mall, had delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies, and played fun board games! We all were beat from a not fun day for all of us.... bleh... so went to bed around midnight. The next morning we got up and had an amazing waffle breakfast, sat around talking, and then started getting ready for the shower. The baby shower was a lot of fun! Ashley did a great job of planning everything! Everyone had a good time! My diaper cake turned out pretty good I must say, and my burp cloths, although a little rough because I suck at sewing, were still pretty cute! Liliana can spit up in style! lol... We sadly had to leave after the shower to head back to Garden City for Ryan & Lauren's wedding shower! The 2 hr (we took a short cut and it paid off big time) drive allowed our minds to focus back on not being pregnant, which sucked... but once we got to the shower and saw all of our family and friends we relaxed again. It was fun trading college stories with the bunch!

Today was also a hard day. My phone died in the middle of the night so we did not get up in time to go to church. Then, Scotty called after lunch and told us that Deets, the family border collie, was not doing well, and needed to be put down. I freaked out. I love Deets like he has been MY dog for forever. I convinced them to let me take him to the vet tomorrow and let the vet tell us what is best. I believe he needs antibiotics and will get better, but I will accept it if the DVM tells me that he needs to be put down. I just couldn't accept putting him down without knowing that there was no way he would get better. That's just not right to not give him a chance. He is such a great dog and I love him so much. Hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow.... We can pray!

Anyway, I'm sorry for the sad post, but it has really just been rough. I'm pretty tired, emotionally and physically. My mom has been amazing and has helped me so much. Plus, I have THE BEST husband in the entire world.. seriously. He's my world!

I still pray constantly that God will let us know when it is time.... I just pray that nothing is wrong! =(

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." ~Psalm 9:9-10

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