Wednesday, January 18, 2012

New year, new (and some old) worries..

Well, I'm into my third trimester now. It seems as if all of a sudden my body said "Oh hey! It's the third trimester! Time to start making you feel miserable!". I hate to complain but I am so tired! Tired from just sheer exhaustion, tired of not being able to bend down easily (yes, already), and tired of heartburn... although it is relatively mild so far and can be remedied with a glass of milk. I fear the next couple of months. It will only get more and more difficult to pick up my son as he grows and my belly grows. It will only get harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning to go feed him. Oye..... My poor husband is probably ready for our little girl to be here just so that he can have his wife back! I haven't felt like myself the last week. Last night I thought I could go to bed at 7pm, and I nearly did. I made it to 9:30 and that was all. To make matters worse Clayton has been waking up at 6am.... not because he's hungry but because he wants to be snuggled. I've tried to let him talk/whine himself back to sleep but I just can't. The second I go get him and snuggle with him he's back asleep. Yesterday morning I fell asleep in his nursery with him, but sleeping in a glider sure does wreak havoc on your back! It is hard to keep up with Clayton too. He's always on the go, always moving, always wanting to play with something new and different. I find myself having to just sit back and watch instead of getting down on the floor and playing with him. I hate that but I don't know what else to do! This to me is one of the biggest drawbacks to our babies being so close together - one baby is going to constantly miss out I feel. I worry that when Reagan is here Clayton won't get the attention from me that he needs. I worry that he will need me and I will be busy feeding her, or who knows what. I just hope that it doesn't cause problems with him behaviorally. He is such a good baby.... I just want to be the best mommy that I can be - to BOTH of my babies. I'm not sure how to accomplish that, but I am going to try my best! Even if that means I don't sleep for the next 18 years! haha!

So, there were some of my new worries.... my old worries that carried over from last year - mostly just finances and babysitters. I'd love to say that we were so wonderful with our money and that we already had a huge savings account for both our kiddos, yada yada... Yeah right!!! Our income comes in and goes out in a FLASH. Doesn't help that formula costs $28 for roughly a week and a half's worth! Or that diapers are 25 cents each! haha! I do bargain shop for everything I can, and use coupons whenever I'm able to, but it's still hard to pay for one - I can't imagine paying for two! I also worry because we still don't have a place for Clayton to go. He goes to daycare once, maybe twice a week, and the rest of the time he comes to work with us. It is getting so difficult since he is, like I said, always on the go! He's into everything. It's hard to keep an eye on him, and it's hard to please him. When he wants to be held, I can't always hold him. I would love to find someone to keep him and Reagan at our house but we just don't know of anyone right now. It's frustrating to live in the middle of nowhere when your options are so limited!!

I've always been a worry-wart, and I am sure I will be one until I am no longer on this earth! I just pray that God will continue to guide us and bless us in the ways he deems necessary. I know that God provides and I just have to trust in His plan and His works. It's just difficult at times!

Ok, sorry for the vent... just had to get some of that off of my chest! Thanks for listening! ;-)

1 comment:

  1. you're doing a GREAT job!!! don't worry yourself to bits :) we ALL feel this way. there is nothing wrong with watching your kids play, or doing your own thing while your kids play. they aren't going to feel less loved by that at all :) check out the article i shared on facebook, it really ties it into a nutshell :)

    have you looked into the pros and cons of being a stay at home mom? i would watch you babies if you weren't sooooo far away!