There is not a way to prepare yourself for becoming a mother. If there was a class or book then I'm sure every soon-to-be-mom would do everything in their power to learn from it. I didn't quite believe everyone when they said that mothering would come as an instinct, especially after the rough start that we had. I was so afraid that I was going to be a bad mother, and in a way I am still nervous that I won't do everything right. But, it has become easier. I have mostly figured out the little cues that my son gives me when he's tired, hungry, needs a diaper change, is too cold, etc... MOSTLY. There is still so much to learn and so much to just plain figure out. My son is amazing. I can't believe he is here and he is mine! It's so funny but I keep telling everyone that I feel like we have to give him back. Like he's on loan or something! We still have our moments when I wish he could just talk to me and tell me what is wrong. He's really not a big crier. The only time he really cries is when he is frustrated. For instance, if I want to feed him before changing him, or vise versa. But, so far, he just makes these little grunting noises! That makes it pretty nice, especially since Darren has learned to tune out these noises, haha! He's at least getting more sleep! My mom and I are still doing our "shifts". It has been a great blessing because my baby blues have really subsided. I wouldn't say their completely gone, but I am no longer crying, and I now look at my son with the most loving eyes ever, when before they were tired and worrisome eyes.
I truly believe that one of God's greatest gifts to us is the gift of life. I look at my blessing from above and feel such a sense of pride and love. I know that I am so blessed to have become a mother, and I thank God every day for that... even through the late nights and endless diaper changes! ;-) I can't wait to see our son grow. I can't wait to see what kind of man he will be. But in the mean time, I am going to enjoy each and every day that we are given together, and treasure it with all of my might!